laceblade | Entries tagged with graduation

It's weird, but I think that I open my post-writing window in LiveJournal or Blogger depending on my mood. Maybe I should keep track of which interface equates with which moods.

Moods. I feel a mix of many things tonight. I'm going home this weekend, to visit my family. I think it's been nearly two months since I've been home, which is kind of a lot for me.

I have a paper that I should have worked on tonight, but didn't. Now I will have both a paper and a take-home midterm to be worrying about at the same time, until the paper is handed in Thursday and I am left with just the take-home midterm.

Job-searching is progressing. I'll be doing a phone interview sometime this week. Am still looking for places to submit applications, though.

Actually, since it's halfway through Lent now, maybe I should see how well I'm doing at my Lenten goals*:

1) Make my bed every morning. I know this sounds like a stupid goal, but I wanted at least one achievable one. It's been going well, :)

2) Clean my room every week. It took a while - the first two weeks, I'd put some things away, like clean/dirty laundry, and put books in piles. But it wasn't until yesterday that I actually put everything away and swiffered, dusted, and vacuumed. Hopefully now, I will stay on track.

3) Write sometimes. I haven't really done much with this at all. I did download a text editor that I played around with, organizing some Ghost Hunters notes and scenes. Still, I wish there was something like Scrivener for PC. So basically, this goal has not been "going" at all. :(

4) Do at least one thing every day to further your job search. I had been beginning to drag my feet, so I wanted to make this a priority, and it's going well. My resumes are finished, I've met with career advisers, and attended the Career Expo. I've applied to two jobs. I will do more!

5) Make an effort to only spend time on the Internet if you have an actual purpose. You spend too much time online. Use the extra time for homework, job-searching, reading, socializing, etc. Ummm....I would say I've been better than I was before, but not by much. This area also needs work.

* For those who aren't Catholic, Lenten "fasting" doesn't necessarily have to mean, "I'm giving up soda for Lent this year." The goal is to pay attention to an area in your life that needs work, and with improvement will bring you closer to God. Making better choices about eating habits tends to be a popular Lenten promise, which is cool. I don't find anything particularly wrong about my eating habits, and I don't drink coffee or much soda, so there isn't really an easy thing to pick out. Thus, I tend to go for goals instead.

I'm feeling restless and angsty tonight, so I probably shouldn't say much else. Will read something comforting before bed, after typing a bit about Angel.

( Spoilers through most of disc 2 of Angel, season 3 )

And, randomly....OMG! Wiscon panel descriptions are posted. Have you guys signed up for Wiscon yet? DO IT. BEST DECISION I EVER MADE.

Current Music: You Raise Me Up - Lena Park - Inori (Romeo x Juliet OP)

I should blog, in order to prove to the Internet that I do other things than just watch anime.

However, by the time I have enough spare moment to get a blog entry together in the evening, I have reached the point in the day when my bitterness threatens to poison my words and thoughts, and convince me that things are much worses than they truly are. My time is consumed by work, class, homework, and barely having time for life-things like groceries and shopping. Although I am still afraid of graduation, I can feel my insecurities slipping away as my resolve hardens and I realize that this isn't going to be bad at all. What the hell am I so afraid of? Life? I can totally do this. I am hopeful that this will force me to kick myself into higher gear.

Ash Wednesday
Speaking of having a full life, though, tomorrow I'm going to be gone from 6:30am until after 9pm. The only time I'm going to have to go to an Ash Wednesday service will be at 8:00am, which means that I have to walk around with ashes on my forehead all day. I never understand why the Ash Wednesday reading always has Jesus telling people not to make a big deal about it publicly when they pray, etc. And then we all get marked and leave it on all day. I might wash it off when I go to work, but I'm not sure yet. I'm not a fan of mixing government and state, but this is more like....practicing my own religion and not pressing it on others, right?

Speaking of Ash Wednesday....I have no idea what to give up for Lent. Did I even do anything last year? I suck at being Catholic.

Politics and the Ideal
I spent my evening watching the election results with Antoine and Chad. My favorite TV show of all time is The West Wing, although I haven't watched it in quite some time (I really should). Chad sent me a link to a clip of the show tonight, and I find it pretty fitting after watching Mike Huckabee talk to ABC's Charlie Gibson about his good fortune tonight. Gibson asked Huckabee why he had invoked references to the Bible in his campaign thank-you speech. Huckabee told Gibson that "Bible" was not a second language to him, but a mother tongue. Blah, blah, your mom.

It's no secret that I consider myself a religious person. But I've never understood people tendency to mix religion with government. We either live in a free nation, or we do not. Separation of church and state aside, it's always bothered me that by layering on all kinds of archaic rules, people tend to miss the whole point of Christianity.

OMG BUFFY/ANGEL
WHY DOES NO ONE TELL ME THESE THINGS!? The actress who played Willow on Buffy is married to the actor who played Wesley. OMGWTF.

AND, Christian Kane (Lindsey in Angel) is best friends with David Boreanaz (Angel) in real life. THAT IS SO CUTE. OMG!!

( SPOILERS )

Weather
OMG. Okay. So, I will not complain about the cold. Yesterday, it was like, 45 (I refer to all of my degrees in Fahrenheit, I know Americans are stupid, I am sorry, the end) degrees outside. I even walked all the way home from campus, and it was nice.

Today started out nice, and it's been plummeting ever since. But, like I said, I have a few Canadians on my LJ friends list who have been experiencing -50 degrees. WTF IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? Holy crap.

To make matters worse, either my car's battery or alternator is dead, as the interior lights faded and the "volt" light was on. I had just gone to fill the car up with gas so that I could still start it, and picked up some salt for the sidewalk. :( I just hope that I can get it figured out. I park my car on the street, and when there's snow, I need to move it every day.

This stuff with the car is just....shit I don't want to deal with.

:(
When I called my dad to consult him about what might be wrong with my car, he asked me for the millionth time if I was applying to any graduate schools. He's not mean about it, but it's just....every time I talk to him, he asks if I'm applying to grad school or law school. And it's nice that my dad thinks I'm smart, and I know I'm one of the luckiest people alive to have parents willing to pay for more school. I know I don't want to go to grad school (unless I get some job where they're like, "Hey, go to grad school and we'll pay you more monies," and I would say something like, "HOKAI.").
The question of law school is one I consider, quite frequently. I love my Constitutional Law class. I remember loving my Criminal Law & Justice class. Being an English major is a good thing in law school (yes, it is good for something). And it's not like I have any idea WTF to do with myself anyway. But that's just the thing - I've watched Chad and I know what it takes to get yourself through law school - killing yourself to get shit done, etc.

Mostly, I just feel disgusted with myself. I am worth a lot more than a person who has no goals, aspirations, talent, or passion. I haven't dragged myself through so much shit only to fumble it now. And yet, there is no palatable option. Nothing is appealing.

The Org Fair
The semesterly Student Org Fair was yesterday, and it sucked. We fill half a table with DVD cases, manga, and figurines of anime characters. Two Club-members were there with me, so I wasn't alone (yay!). We hand out fliers with our website and meeting-time information, and I get to talk to people and tell them about Anime Club. Also, while we do have some curious people ("My brother is obsessed with this stuff....can you explain what it is??"), for the most part, we don't have to do much in the way of attention-grabbing. You are either excited by Evangelion robots acting out a death scene on a table surrounded by Japanese candy, or you are not.

But what sucked is that I usually have at least 2 pages full of names and e-mail addresses of new people to contact. This semester, I have less than ten. I have tried to do a lot for this Club, and it's getting to the point where I don't even know what to do any more. Sometimes, I feel like I'm a bad president, even though I know that stuff like this is beyond my control. :/

TV
I have no notes on the last few episodes I've watched of Angel. They've been filler-y, but the good news is that the filler is so much better than season 1 filler.

( As for Buffy! )

Also, Giuliani = pwned

So, I am stupid and apparently set the wrong alarm last night. I cursed when it went off, and I could see through my blinds that it was already light outside, being 8:00 am. Because my Career Advising appointment would force me to leave work at 10:45, and it would be at least 9:30 by the time I got to work, I called in and will just be going after the appointment is over with. Still, I feel like an idiot, and kind of terrible. I pride myself on being the person who never calls in sick or comes in late, so even though it's a rare occurrence, I still feel bad and have found it difficult to enjoy my morning.

Steph and I enjoyed a meal last night, made by Steph (although I did some hardcore supervising). Eating and talking with a friend might be one of the best things ever.

Yesterday, I finished reading Princess Academy by Shannon Hale, and I loved it. I think that I liked this one more than Book of a Thousand Days, which I think I read sometime last week. Shannon Hale writes Young Adult fantasy. She has written a couple of other books that I haven't read yet, but I think that these two are her most famous at the moment. I do love that in both books, protagonists are not physically perfect (one is small, one has a disfigured hand and face). In both novels, the author takes great care to do a lot of intricate world-building, down to how the characters approach religion, each other, and their customs. She does this without distracting from the plot, which is saying a lot, as the books are only about 300 pages each, with relatively spacious text. Each novel also deals with classism, prejudice, and belief in one's self. I also think it's neat how the power of song plays such a vital role in both novels. And thus, it's been decided that I like the author Shannon Hale a lot! Go read her stuff!

Anyway, I should go print off my resume. I'm also excited to stop at the bank on my way to work this afternoon. I have two paychecks to put into my savings account, and two at the same time adds up to a lot of money! Money! I need it. Or, I will when I graduate. ;_;

Where do I begin?

Ryan was here Friday through Sunday, and we had a most excellent weekend, spent with friends and stores and restaurants. On Saturday, we visited Gretchen at the organic farm she's watching while the family is away. We made guacamole dip from scratch, which was exciting for me. I think that it's something I could make by myself! We also looked at the chickens, were given a brief tour of the farm, and then watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, as Ryan hadn't seen it yet. I still believe that it is my favorite of the Harry Potter films (which are still far inferior to the books).

By the way, Gretchen wrote an entry in her LiveJournal a while ago that I had meant to link to, and forgot. It is about coffee, and focuses on Starbucks versus fair trade coffee (actual fair trade coffee). And it is here. I personally don't drink coffee, but I feel like it's helpful to pass the word along.

We also traveled around State Street with Steph, including a walk inside of the Capitol building. I love showing people around the Capitol! Sometimes I forgot how awesome it is that I work there. OMF! Today at work, I volunteered to work during the Governor's State of the State address. It's going to be on Wednesday, January 23rd. So look for me on Wisconsin Eye!

So yes. This was in addition to many other happening, some involving Antoine. All together, it was a most enjoyable weekend, and I think Ryan and I both had an awesome (but still relaxed) time.

Sunday night, I ate a delicious dinner prepared by some of Antoine's friends.

And today was my first day back at work, which was nice. I also went to the library, and triumphed by collecting about 12 books that were on hold for me.

As well as making another career advising appointment.

And yet. I'm still notice the large gaping hole in my life, which is the lack of any sense of purpose or goal. Still, I made another career advising appointment, and at some point, I'll find something to waste time with in the interim. If writing doesn't end up being my "true calling" or whatever, it's going to take a while to find a way to be happy, I think. Shit.