If anyone calls me "honey" in a comment again, this shit is gonna get real.

[laceblade]

aqeldroma wrote this post about RaceFail 9000 about silence, and choosing to remain neutral in these arguments.


Nobody said it's easy. Nobody said "We will never misinterpret things you say or criticize your word choice." Because we will! We totally will. And it will suck, and you will feel horrible. But then, if you're really listening, you will never make that same mistake again. The post does not allow comments, so I'm bringing it back to my LJ.

For example, a little over 12 hours ago, I got called out for using mysoginistic hate speech WHILE IN THE PROCESS of calling other people out on their thinly-veiled racism. No really, I did. And really, my first reaction was really defensive and all, "She's wrong!" and possibly, "WTF, I should not be one to call other people out on their shit when I myself still fail so hard."

But if everybody thought that, allies would never call people out on their shit. People of color would never feel safe, nor would the uncountable list of other people disadvantaged by privilege.

To you, choosing not to enter the discussion doesn't necessarily mean you don't condone the behavior. To people of color looking around for allies and a safe space, they see nothing but tight-lipped cowards.

It is SO PRIVILEGED to even have the option to not participate in these discussions. If your worst fear is that somebody might misinterpret what you said [which, by the way, can happen in any conversation ever], then you'd best get over it.

Comments

[maevele.livejournal.com]

I still have to police myself HARD on the B word, and in my last drama last week, used a form of it to refer to a whole message board. I need to get past the idea that it's the female variant of asshole, and just go ahead and call female assholes assholes.

[mystickeeper.livejournal.com]

See, I call guys bitches all the time. I use it as a gender-neutral word!

[homo-nescius.livejournal.com]

This argument gets difficult, because one might argue that "asshole" is a male variant and so you're not doing much better as far as gendered negative nouns. That's the problem with slang, the meanings are so fluid, we ascribe semantics as we please so long as the majority agrees and it's a very natural thing to do.

I also use "bitch" as a gender neutral term and I'm okay with it, but with people I don't know I'm very careful in my speech overall so that I don't offend someone I know has a problem with it. I feel like there's no other way to find balance between being practical and being courteous. Impact versus intent, etc. You can only win some of the time without giving an explanation, it seems.

[maevele.livejournal.com]

yeah, but it's been pointed out to me when i call guys bitches that even though i don't mean it that way, the insult behind calling a guy a bitch is in using a woman's word to describe them. that basically calling a guy a bitch is insulting him by saying he's not "manly" or is a pussy.

but how i mean it when i use it on a guy is the same as how i use it with women, to mean insensitive, mean, cruel and, well, bitchy.

[mystickeeper.livejournal.com]

No, I totally get why it's fail-sauce used on either men or women or whomever. I should explicate more fully!

[sasha-feather.livejournal.com]

I really admire you for calling people on their behavior. Eyeroll at madisonwi.

[sasha-feather.livejournal.com]

P.S. Who called you 'honey'?

[mystickeeper.livejournal.com]

annafdd in the comments over here. (http://despotliz.livejournal.com/384966.html?thread=4199366#t4199366)

[sasha-feather.livejournal.com]

Ugh. Condescending!! I'd actually say unemployed people have more privilege to use our real names-- we've got no jobs to lose. More freedom to speak up. I've been less concerned about locking my journal lately, for instance. And by bringing up her unemployment she's playing the victim.

[were-duck.livejournal.com]

Agreed.

[mystickeeper.livejournal.com]

Well, thank you!

And yes, madisonwi is certainly its own very special brand of heinous.

[dharma-slut.livejournal.com]

It infuriates me when a majority group demands that the minority behaves nicely, whilst that minority is trying, and failing, to get that majority to behave nicely.

Like the Mormons, who, when confronted by GLBT anger said; "They are so intolerant!"

[upstart-crow.livejournal.com]

Absolutely, yes!

(Oh boy, that whole situation you mention is so frustrating to deal with, particularly if you live in Utah!)

[chickenfried-jo.livejournal.com]

WORD

[upstart-crow.livejournal.com]

Here from rydra_wong :) Hi and love your Utena icons!

I can understand the need to want to stay out of something like this. And as someone with PTSD who is also very non-confrontational, I didn't want to get involved, either. Especially as I felt I couldn't say much at the time this began because I needed more education. So I said that I needed to be more educated and less anxious, and then educated myself and talked myself down as best I could. I think ultimately this issue is so important that people need to at least try if they can, you know, even if it's scary, for the reason you said: because silence won't necessarily be perceived in the way one hopes.