laceblade: Santana of Glee, giving some serious sideeye. (Glee: Santana sideeye)
laceblade ([personal profile] laceblade) wrote2013-04-03 05:46 pm

is this a fucking joke or

I keep wanting to blog about what happened in the massage appointment I had last week & being unable to do so. So here are my tweets, along with tweets today about my acupuncture appointment.

Massage Appointment
(This is the second massage I've had. I have a lot of upper back pain. I believed this is b/c I have, as they say, a large rack.)
Massage this morning! "The reason this is painful is b/c you don't breathe deeply enough/from the right place."
CAN I JUST HAVE ONE BODY THING DONE RIGHT? CAN I BE DOING ANYTHING RIGHT? JFC.
So now, in addition to feeling anxious about when I eat/what I eat/how much I eat & how much pain it's going to cost me...
...I can also feel anxious LITERALLY EVERY TIME I DRAW BREATH that I'm not doing it correctly.
In conclusion, fuck everyone, & fuck everything.
But hey, now I can articulate what it is I like about makeup? It's something related to my body that I feel like I am "doing correctly."
And I give absolutely zero fucks about how un-feminist that makes me.


Acupuncture Appointment
So, Acupuncturist got all, "Wow, even when you follow your diet, you still have pain? What's different on days when you have pain?" with me.
She got all bent out of shape when I said, "It's chronic pain. It's much better than it was. I don't expect it to ever go away."
& wants to sell me more pills next time.
That's 3/3 with medical professionals this month. SOMETIMES PAIN IS MEANINGLESS & WON'T GO AWAY. SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT IT.
Sometimes people are already trying as hard as they fucking can, in every fucking way. Back off.



I feel angry, all the time.
badgerbag: (Default)

[personal profile] badgerbag 2013-04-04 04:23 am (UTC)(link)
Chronic pain: NOT YOUR FAULT.
You are right to be angry.

<3
sasha_feather: Retro-style poster of skier on pluto.   (neko case)

[personal profile] sasha_feather 2013-04-04 04:24 am (UTC)(link)
Sheeeeeesh.

<3
lilysea: Serious (Default)

[personal profile] lilysea 2013-04-04 05:28 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, such sympathies!

(I once had a chronic pain Dr explain to me how my chronic pain was all overweight + lack of exercise. Despite the fact that I'd turned up in a wheelchair because walking was too fatiguing, he seemed unable to hear that I was so fatigued that I could barely shower using a shower chair, and so 30 min exercise every day was out of the question...)
littlebutfierce: (atla sokka bullshit)

[personal profile] littlebutfierce 2013-04-04 05:53 am (UTC)(link)
Ugh, fuck everything. :/ (& of course your acupuncturist wants to sell you more pills that'll really work!!!1)
bibliofile: Fan & papers in a stack (from my own photo) (Default)

[personal profile] bibliofile 2013-04-05 10:13 am (UTC)(link)
Community Supported Acupuncture? I think it's called. Rec'd by someone w/pain. Sliding scale fees.

[kicks all the crappy people]
pretty_panther: (hp: ron wtf icon)

[personal profile] pretty_panther 2013-04-04 10:07 am (UTC)(link)
I'd be angry too! I think the massage person was just talking bullshit to be honest. I have a 'large rack' too and at the end of the day the human back is only meant to support so much weight so if it is having to support more, it hurts and it isn't like you can remove your boobs for a few hours to give it a break.

Basically, some medical people are awesome and some are arseholes and apparently there is no in-between.
sophygurl: my cats (Default)

[personal profile] sophygurl 2013-04-05 06:57 pm (UTC)(link)
Wut? That's why doctors recommend, and insurance companies cover, bread reductions for back pain? smh
liseuse: (Default)

[personal profile] liseuse 2013-04-04 10:33 am (UTC)(link)
I am sorry this is all so awful. But, I don't think makeup makes you unfeminist! I wear make-up to perform a femininity that I choose for myself, that I can use to project an image onto the world with, and that aligns with something in how I think of myself.

(The breathing thing is so hard. I got trained into breathing from the "traditionally correct place" through years of ballet and then speech lessons, but I know when I am stressed, or miserable, or angry (so, you know, most of the time) I don't breathe from the right place, and no amount of reminding myself to do so has any impact whatsofuckingever. My body is too busy coping with other shit, thank you very much.)
liseuse: (Default)

[personal profile] liseuse 2013-04-04 12:45 pm (UTC)(link)
Well, I was always taught it was the diaphragm, so you don't use your chest or shoulders, and that way you get more air into your ~system (my medical knowledge runs dry on terminology at this point!). So, I would be inclined to disbelieve this massage person.

Oh, I have tons of weird internalised guilt over it - like when I think about putting some on just to go to the village shop, and am all "self, that is ridiculous! You don't need makeup to leave the house!" and then have to kick myself into remembering that I am, in fact, allowed to want to put it on even for a small errand. But, I am also a big believer in reminding myself over and over that I am allowed to make myself look more polished, or like my 15yr old self with alllll the eyeliner, if I want to. It is hard, though!
vi: (atla: exhale)

[personal profile] vi 2013-04-04 03:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Auuuugh this is so bad and definitely angry-making! >=(
jesse_the_k: Pixar's Dory, the adventurous fish with a brain injury (dain bramage)

[personal profile] jesse_the_k 2013-04-05 04:36 am (UTC)(link)
This is disgusting shit they're pouring on your head.

WRONG MSG, ASSHOLES!

I want there to be a massage fairy who flies into your house, and gently gently makes you feel nice so you can relax before they start pushing hard on things, and suggests "are you wliling to try a little change?" and waits for your answer, and then puts a hand in whatever special place and says, "now breathe until you feel my hand" and is generally all about the positive instead of this crapstorm of negativity.

Happy to pass along names of accupuncturist and PT/OT/CST who I adore and who are gently and caring.
bibliofile: Fan & papers in a stack (from my own photo) (Default)

p.s. makeup

[personal profile] bibliofile 2013-04-05 10:14 am (UTC)(link)
FEminists can wear makeup. Anyone tells you otherwise, just tell them to fuck right off.