stream of consciousness

[laceblade]

like the title implies. if you don't like it, then don't read it. and feel free to read the post i made two posts ago if you're going to comment on my depression.

It doesn't creep or slink any more
it just falls out of the sky
and pins me to the floor
where I curl up in defeat
maybe if I'm still
it'll think I'm dead.

So confident, so smart
so funny,
so weak, so fragile,
so lost.

hold on if you feel like letting go

it has to get better than this i know that
it's just that i keep getting slapped in the face
punched in the gut
getting the wind knocked out of me
so that i can't get up again

hold on to the light that guides you, hold on to the air that pulls you, hold on, hold on

these tears, they're not even out yet
and they're contorting my face
fire eaters and contortionists! Intrigue, danger, and romance! Electric lights, machinery, oh the electricity!
and I feel the darkness spreading
and making my entire body numb
that's cool, I'm freezing and hot at the same time
all over.

i could probably be sick if i tried
but i have to contain it
have to fight it
have to keep it down
i mustn't run away, i mustn't run away, i mustn't run away

sometimes i wish that i had wings
that could burst out and bear me up
whenever it takes me over
and pollutes me
or at least that someone could
hold my hand in theirs
but neither are very real for me

and every time it leaves
it's like i'm dispossessed
and i stand up again
and falter
and then slowly keep walking
into the darkness
searching for my light.
i think i've lost it somewhere.

Comments

[huyana.livejournal.com]

hey, I ♥ streams of consciousness. i can relate to it a lot. that's a lot like my style... when i discovered about it, i was so happy to know that not all writings have to be coherent and such.

i also like confessional very much, too. :) especially that of Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath.