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Story
Short addition to Devil Story (look back a couple entries for the beginning). not even going to bother reformatting this, so pretend all the ...s transferred just fine. Gosh, I need to get to bed, I have to wake up at 7 tomorrow. Guess tomorrow will be one of those no-shower days.
“So,” Lanie said, giving Jimmy a sidelong glance as her mouth hovered over her bagel, “What....happened? Was it something I said? Did I set you off?”
“It wasn’t you, Lanie.” He set his bagel down and started flicking the edge of his napkin with his fingernail. Lanie looked anxious, but waited for him to keep going. “I heard…a voice. It wasn’t mine, though. It was like, a whisper, but…something else. Seductive? Yeah. And it sounded like a woman’s voice, but like a man’s at the same time. Listening to it made me feel sick.”
Lanie was now beyond anxious. “You heard a voice?” she asked, incredulous. “Well, what did it say? Have you ever heard it before?”
“I know I’ve never heard it before. But, at the same time, it almost sounded familiar. You probably think I’m so fucked up, Lanie…If I were you, I would too. But I’m not making this up. Maybe I’m crazy. But…what did it say? I don’t even know how to explain it. It was taunting me…asking me questions. But they were questions I’ve asked myself, too….why am I alive? I never do anything worthwhile. I’m so worthless….I’m terrible to you…to my parents. I never do anything good and....really, I hate myself…” his voice had lowered to a whisper. He rested his head on his hands, pressing his palms against his face. Lanie was absolutely silent, next to him. She was so close, yet had no idea what she could do to help him. Jimmy had never, ever been like this before. Sometimes he got angry at his parents, or at a teacher, or at a classmate. But he had never sounded hopeless.
Jimmy lifted his head and picked up his bagel. “Really, Lanie, you know me. I’m never like this. I’ve never heard voices before. But it started last night, and it didn’t stop until I brought the razor into bed with me…and then…it got louder and louder. And all I wanted was for the voice to stop, but then I knew it never would unless I did it…so…then I did it. And it was like I couldn’t feel pain…and I kept doing it and doing it…and suddenly I stopped, and so did the voice. And then, the pain came all at once. I thought I was screaming out loud…but when my parents didn’t come in my room, I realized that I was really screaming inside my head. Where no one could hear me. And somehow, I fell asleep…”
Lanie felt hot, in her stomach. It was fear, she knew. “Jimmy…but when I came in your room. And you…showed me what you…did. You said… ‘the devil made me do it’….Why did you say that?”
Jimmy swallowed his mouthful of bagel. “Because I think that’s what the voice was.”
“So,” Lanie said, giving Jimmy a sidelong glance as her mouth hovered over her bagel, “What....happened? Was it something I said? Did I set you off?”
“It wasn’t you, Lanie.” He set his bagel down and started flicking the edge of his napkin with his fingernail. Lanie looked anxious, but waited for him to keep going. “I heard…a voice. It wasn’t mine, though. It was like, a whisper, but…something else. Seductive? Yeah. And it sounded like a woman’s voice, but like a man’s at the same time. Listening to it made me feel sick.”
Lanie was now beyond anxious. “You heard a voice?” she asked, incredulous. “Well, what did it say? Have you ever heard it before?”
“I know I’ve never heard it before. But, at the same time, it almost sounded familiar. You probably think I’m so fucked up, Lanie…If I were you, I would too. But I’m not making this up. Maybe I’m crazy. But…what did it say? I don’t even know how to explain it. It was taunting me…asking me questions. But they were questions I’ve asked myself, too….why am I alive? I never do anything worthwhile. I’m so worthless….I’m terrible to you…to my parents. I never do anything good and....really, I hate myself…” his voice had lowered to a whisper. He rested his head on his hands, pressing his palms against his face. Lanie was absolutely silent, next to him. She was so close, yet had no idea what she could do to help him. Jimmy had never, ever been like this before. Sometimes he got angry at his parents, or at a teacher, or at a classmate. But he had never sounded hopeless.
Jimmy lifted his head and picked up his bagel. “Really, Lanie, you know me. I’m never like this. I’ve never heard voices before. But it started last night, and it didn’t stop until I brought the razor into bed with me…and then…it got louder and louder. And all I wanted was for the voice to stop, but then I knew it never would unless I did it…so…then I did it. And it was like I couldn’t feel pain…and I kept doing it and doing it…and suddenly I stopped, and so did the voice. And then, the pain came all at once. I thought I was screaming out loud…but when my parents didn’t come in my room, I realized that I was really screaming inside my head. Where no one could hear me. And somehow, I fell asleep…”
Lanie felt hot, in her stomach. It was fear, she knew. “Jimmy…but when I came in your room. And you…showed me what you…did. You said… ‘the devil made me do it’….Why did you say that?”
Jimmy swallowed his mouthful of bagel. “Because I think that’s what the voice was.”