(no subject)

[laceblade]

Okay, I'm posting what I have so far for any possible comments. Note that I'm not exactly done with this...I don't think. When I posted my last poem at poetrycritic, I received some comments saying I use clichés and that it's all emotion...like a glorified rant. And I know that my writing hasn't changed much for some time now, and this bothers me because I want to get better. So hopefully in this poem, you'll be able to see some changes?

Sleep

swaddled in soft sheets
open-mouthed like i'm waiting
to start speaking holy words

so tired now, waiting for sleep to blacken my thoughts
and hold me tight for the hours of night

eyelashes slowly meet
i start to feel serene
my wings emerge to bear me up
and my scars and my ugliness are taken away