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So, last night I was thinking, and listening to my current favorite song and I just started writing. This is a songfic. The parts in italics are the song Shackled, by Vertical Horizon. The stuff that isn't in italics was written by me. Word of Caution: Don't expect to understand this....even if you know what I'm talking about, you still probably won't get it.
For so long my life's been sewn up tight inside your hold
I've had to take this for too long. Every time I speak to you, I'm afraid you're going to dig your claws in again. It doesn't matter why - you'll make up a reason to satisfy yourself.
And it leaves me there without a place to call my own
And every time it happens, it's like the first time. There's this pathetic image that comes to mind. This girl, curls in her face, bloodshot eyes, and tear-stained cheeks. She's...this mass, on the ground, wearing clothes of night. Pleading with her eyes. She's pathetic. She's me. After having my heart torn from my ribcage and out through my flesh.
I know now what shadows can see
People spend their lives saying things like "you can never understand my pain." You can't. I understand my pain, and that's enough for me. I wouldn't want you to anyway. It's mine. It's all I have left now. You gave it to me, yes, but in giving it you also gave up any right you had to be a part of my life. Although, in doing so, in wounding me so deeply, you may have made yourself last in me forever.
There's no point in running 'less you run with me
But I've dealt with and with my anguish and all the other synonymns that you could possibly think of. But it doesn't matter, because you haven't.
It's half the distance through the open door
Before you cut me down
Again
It doesn't matter how strong I am because every time you just tear me down again. It seems we barely say hi and you just rake me with your claws.
Let me introduce you to the end
No more. We're done.
And I feel the cold wind blowing beneath my wings
Faith is something I've found since losing you and him. I've decided I like it better. My faith will never leave me. It will not drag me down or break me. Instead, it lifts me higher than I thought I could go.
It always leads me back to suffering
But no matter how close I get with God, I keep falling back into the darkness. Not a faithless place....just a cheerless one.
But I will soar until the wind whips me down
Leaves me beaten on unholy ground again
But I'm not quitting. I'm not like you.
So tired now of paying my dues
I'm so sick of your fakeness. I don't deserve to have to relive things I've worked to mold into parts of me, rather than wear them as undressed wounds.
I start out strong but then I always lose
I try to be nice, and I try to believe the one I used to know is still in there, but I never find her. It's usually then that I snap.
It's half the distance before you leave me behind
It's such a waste of time
I don't even know why I bother.
'Cause my shackles
You won't be
I'm free of you, free of him, free of this. Nothing I say can make you realize what you did to me...
And my rapture
You won't believe
but believe me, you'll have just as hard of a time comprehending what I have yet to become.
And deep inside you will bleed for me
Yet, locked away, deep in the recesses of your soul is the person I trusted. She knows. She understands. And she's crying.
So here I slave inside of a broken dream
Then there's me - dreaming and wishing the same things for years, though they never come true.
Forever holding on to splitting seams
Our friends now definitely not the same. It's painful now, and it started coming apart with you. But I'm not giving up hope - I'll never let go.
So take your piece and leave me alone to die
I don't know what you want from me or why you act the way you do, but whatever you want, take it. And leave me the hell alone.
I don't need you to keep my faith alive
'Cause I've found God. I have a faith. And that's all I need.
I know now what trouble can be
And why it follows me so easily
I know this pain - it's a part of me and it'll never leave. Oddly, I don't want it to.
It's half the distance through the open door
Before you shut me down
Again
You'll keep opening the wound, I know. But from now on, it's different.
Let me introduce you to the end
Because it's over.
'Cause my shackles
You won't be
And my rapture
You won't believe
I am liberated of it all, even though it's still in me. I accept it. I know you don't understand.
And deep inside you will bleed for me
And I know parts of you still care and are filled with regret. Too bad. I'm done. It's your pain now. When you gave it to me, there was this circle thing going on.
And my laughter
You won't hear
You can't be a part of my life any more. I can't be happy being your friend. Even though I didn't make that decision - you did.
The faster
I disappear
I'm gone from your life.
And time will burn your eyes to tears
My old friend would have cried. But I know you won't.
For so long my life's been sewn up tight inside your hold
I've had to take this for too long. Every time I speak to you, I'm afraid you're going to dig your claws in again. It doesn't matter why - you'll make up a reason to satisfy yourself.
And it leaves me there without a place to call my own
And every time it happens, it's like the first time. There's this pathetic image that comes to mind. This girl, curls in her face, bloodshot eyes, and tear-stained cheeks. She's...this mass, on the ground, wearing clothes of night. Pleading with her eyes. She's pathetic. She's me. After having my heart torn from my ribcage and out through my flesh.
I know now what shadows can see
People spend their lives saying things like "you can never understand my pain." You can't. I understand my pain, and that's enough for me. I wouldn't want you to anyway. It's mine. It's all I have left now. You gave it to me, yes, but in giving it you also gave up any right you had to be a part of my life. Although, in doing so, in wounding me so deeply, you may have made yourself last in me forever.
There's no point in running 'less you run with me
But I've dealt with and with my anguish and all the other synonymns that you could possibly think of. But it doesn't matter, because you haven't.
It's half the distance through the open door
Before you cut me down
Again
It doesn't matter how strong I am because every time you just tear me down again. It seems we barely say hi and you just rake me with your claws.
Let me introduce you to the end
No more. We're done.
And I feel the cold wind blowing beneath my wings
Faith is something I've found since losing you and him. I've decided I like it better. My faith will never leave me. It will not drag me down or break me. Instead, it lifts me higher than I thought I could go.
It always leads me back to suffering
But no matter how close I get with God, I keep falling back into the darkness. Not a faithless place....just a cheerless one.
But I will soar until the wind whips me down
Leaves me beaten on unholy ground again
But I'm not quitting. I'm not like you.
So tired now of paying my dues
I'm so sick of your fakeness. I don't deserve to have to relive things I've worked to mold into parts of me, rather than wear them as undressed wounds.
I start out strong but then I always lose
I try to be nice, and I try to believe the one I used to know is still in there, but I never find her. It's usually then that I snap.
It's half the distance before you leave me behind
It's such a waste of time
I don't even know why I bother.
'Cause my shackles
You won't be
I'm free of you, free of him, free of this. Nothing I say can make you realize what you did to me...
And my rapture
You won't believe
but believe me, you'll have just as hard of a time comprehending what I have yet to become.
And deep inside you will bleed for me
Yet, locked away, deep in the recesses of your soul is the person I trusted. She knows. She understands. And she's crying.
So here I slave inside of a broken dream
Then there's me - dreaming and wishing the same things for years, though they never come true.
Forever holding on to splitting seams
Our friends now definitely not the same. It's painful now, and it started coming apart with you. But I'm not giving up hope - I'll never let go.
So take your piece and leave me alone to die
I don't know what you want from me or why you act the way you do, but whatever you want, take it. And leave me the hell alone.
I don't need you to keep my faith alive
'Cause I've found God. I have a faith. And that's all I need.
I know now what trouble can be
And why it follows me so easily
I know this pain - it's a part of me and it'll never leave. Oddly, I don't want it to.
It's half the distance through the open door
Before you shut me down
Again
You'll keep opening the wound, I know. But from now on, it's different.
Let me introduce you to the end
Because it's over.
'Cause my shackles
You won't be
And my rapture
You won't believe
I am liberated of it all, even though it's still in me. I accept it. I know you don't understand.
And deep inside you will bleed for me
And I know parts of you still care and are filled with regret. Too bad. I'm done. It's your pain now. When you gave it to me, there was this circle thing going on.
And my laughter
You won't hear
You can't be a part of my life any more. I can't be happy being your friend. Even though I didn't make that decision - you did.
The faster
I disappear
I'm gone from your life.
And time will burn your eyes to tears
My old friend would have cried. But I know you won't.