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Recap
Alright. So this hasn't been posted consecutively, or edited. So I've put together my whole story so far and I've edited it. I don't know if anyone reads this beast anyway, but it makes me feel better so whatever, :P
A Diary Entry by Timria:
The darkness is back again today. I faintly feel like I might throw up. My mouth tastes like blood. My wrists hurt when I feel like this. Like they’ve had nails driven through them, even though I haven’t borne a cross. Everything I look at brings death....I look at the door and I imagine someone busting it open and opening fire with a gun. The computer...it blows up and shards from the monitor embed themselves all over my face, in my chest, in my arms. The pen ejects burning liquid right into my eyes and I convulse and die. I feel like I’ll never be clean again, like I’ll never care again. There’s nobody to go to. Nobody anywhere. Never has been. I don’t know what to do any more. I never know what to do when this happens, but it’s not that I don’t like it. I almost enjoy it more when the dark comes back. I know I’m alive, still. Because sometimes it’s very easy to forget that. That you’re alive, I mean. You do the same crap every day and it’s not like you ever wake up one day and it just starts meaning something – it never does. I’m tired, I’m uncomfortable, I have to go to the bathroom, but it’s like someone else is feeling all that. I feel like I’m on the brink of something huge but I don’t know what it is or what it could be. All I know is this darkness. I can feel it everywhere. It surrounds me and I drink it in because there is nothing else to do, nowhere else to go. Sometimes you just surrender yourself to the night and then even if you don’t feel better in the morning, you feel like you’ve accomplished something.
Timria curled her fingers under the handle of her leather attaché case. Her father had given it to her for Christmas last year. It wasn’t big enough to use for school, so she kept her journals and notebooks in it and took it with her everywhere. Timria didn’t have any close friends and thus was a private person. She wasn’t mean or smelly. She was just aloof. No one knew much about her except that she just lived alone with her father in a huge house.
As on every normal Saturday, Timria was walking the 10 ½ blocks from her house to the library. Different from every other Saturday, however, was the fact that Timria Cyrim was meeting someone at the library. She wasn’t meeting anyone mysterious or extraordinary. She was meeting Lanif Garrow, a member of her science class. Lanif was two grades older than Timria, but they were still close in age, as Timria was old for her grade and Lanif young for his. Lanif had just transferred from a district with different science requirements than Timria’s, which was why he was in her class despite their difference in grade.
Once inside the library, Timria walked up the staircase to the non-fiction and reference floor - her least favorite, and also the place she and Lanif had agreed to meet. She tapped index fingers on the handle of her case, moving from one table to the next with her eyes. A flailing hand caught her attention, and she saw him, twiddling his fingers and grinning at her. What a moron. She sidled her way between tables and sat down across from Lanif. Across was good. Better than beside. Better than close.
"Hello, Timria." He was smiling in the most annoying way....like he was pretending he enjoyed her company, mocking her.
"Hullo," she answered softly. He was studying her, she could feel it. His blue eyes scanning her green ones. Flustered, she swung her attaché case on the table and dug out a pen, her science notebook, and their requirement sheet.
“Well, let’s get started, shall we?” he asked. She took the cap off her pen and set to work.
About an hour and a half later, Timria was getting bored. She tapped her pen against her notebook, watching the people around them. Lanif glanced up.
“We can take a break, it’s been like, an hour since we’ve actually spoken to each other.” Timria agreed and closed her notes. An uncomfortable silence followed.
“So….what are you up to this weekend?” Lanif asked.
“Nothing,” she said, wishing there was something interesting to say.
“Nothing? You’re going to go home after this and look at the wall until school on Monday?”
“Basically.”
“Come on, you have to do something worth mentioning in the next two days!” She glared at him.
“Once I’m done with this, I’ll go home and read for a while. I’ll watch the news, and maybe something else afterward. Then I’ll go make myself a sandwich or whatever I can find in our cupboards or refrigerator. I’ll either read again or go online. Then I’ll write, and then I’ll go to bed. I’ll wake up and go to church and then go jogging. I’ll eat something for lunch. I’ll do homework if I have any left. I’ll read and use the computer and maybe go for a walk if I get sick of my house. I’ll sit around and wait for time to pass. And then I’ll go to bed. In the next two days, nothing worth mentioning will happen. But what about you?” She smiled at him, noticing his usually easy smile was absent. He was looking at her oddly. Not with pity, more like confusion.
“Don’t you have any friends, Timria?”
“No.”
“Why not? You’re not….” He paused, searching for the right phrase. She glared and snapped,
“I’m not a jerk? Whatever. I don’t know what the deal is, but I’ve never had any friends.”
“No, that’s not what I meant. I meant….” Timria looked at the table, wishing she hadn’t said anything. “You shouldn’t be alone. You’re a nice girl. You’re pretty, and you’re smart, and you don’t deserve to have no one.” Something he said burned on the inside, and Timria didn’t know which part it was.
“….What are you doing this weekend?” Lanif smiled at her question.
“Nothing worth mentioning.”
Timria smiled at this. Some girls would have taken great offense because he was teasing her in an area she was obviously sensitive in, but she knew that Lanif was only trying to show he had heard everything she’d said, yet it hadn’t changed anything. They both fell silent for a bit, but it wasn’t an awkward silence. It was nice. Lanif was watching two people argue in whispers at the table next to them, and Timria glanced at him. He was rather….nice-looking, now that she actually gave it thought. His eyes were piercing blue, and his hair was styled nicely. Cute hair, she added to herself.
Timria decided the time had come to end this study session.
“Well, I think we’ve got enough information to do ten projects, what about you?” she asked him. Lanif turned to face her.
“Yeah, I guess there’s enough there. Should we do the project now, and get it done with?” Timria had assumed they would do the project during class time they were getting on Monday, but she supposed it would be wiser to just get it out of the way.
“Alright, sure. We can go to my house if you want. My dad’s at work and there won’t be anyone to bother us.”
“Okay. You can’t drive yet, can you? I’ll take you for a ride, alright?” She smiled at his suggestion.
“Alright.”
“Not for a couple more blocks,” said Timria, looking out the window. She was making herself as small as she possibly could, pressing her back against the seat. Her arms were folded across her stomach. Lanif cleared his throat.
“You walked this whole way?” He felt awkward and loud.
“Yes, it’s not that bad. The walk takes up time, anyway. I come to the library every Saturday.”
“What time?” She blinked and turned to him.
“I usually leave around ten, I guess.” Lanif fell silent, and Timria was looking away again. Now the silence seemed uncomfortable. The traffic light turned red, and the car stopped moving. He turned to her and asked,
“Timria…aren’t you….lonely?” She flinched and slowly met his eyes. Her green eyes were like pits, and he was falling, falling, and he didn’t want to stop.
“Yes,” she breathed, and it was like someone breaking a spell. The light turned green, and she turned back to the window. “Turn left up here.”
Timria unlocked the front door and held it open for Lanif. Lanif stepped through the doorway and was surprised to see a man waiting to greet them. He was of average height and had dark brown hair and eyes. The man stepped forward with his hand outstretched to Lanif. Lanif froze for the smallest fraction of a second. Uneasiness he had no explanation for washed over him and his eyes flashed suspiciously at the man. He shook himself and stepped forward to shake the hand. All of this happened in less than a second, so no one really noticed Lanif's double take except Lanif. Or so he hoped.
The man, obviously Timria's father, smiled at Lanif and said "Hi, nice to meet you." Lanif gave a hello-yourself and made small talk. There was just something about the man...his smile wasn't real for one thing. It was kind of like the type businessmen and politicians wore, but the charm that usually accompanied it was absent. And his eyes...There were small smile lines at the corners, but there was definitely no smile in his eyes. Lanif felt like he was falling into them, but it wasn't at all like looking into Timria's eyes. They were like dark bottomless holes that he would never get out of no matter how hard he tried, no matter what he did...
"Lanif..." he blinked and realized Timria's father had been talking the whole time, and had just been interrupted by Timria. "...and I are going to my room to work on a science project."
"Alright, Timria. You kids be good now, I’m heading back to work." He winked, with the same characteristics as his smile. Lanif gave a weak smile and followed Timria.
He noticed how huge her house was, and also how nicely furnished the rooms were.
"I didn't think my dad was going to be home, I guess he decided to come back for dinner or something. Sorry." She stepped into her bedroom and Lanif followed, both setting their bags on the floor.
"Oh, I don't mind." They pulled their notebooks out of their backpacks. An uneasy silence passed. "So.....your dad makes a lot of money, eh?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"Well, that's good. You have a really nice house."
"Thanks." She was flipping through her notebook, looking for her project notes.
"Are you and your dad very close?" She winced, ever so slightly. He wouldn't have even noticed it if he hadn't been watching her closely.
"No, not really."
A Diary Entry by Timria:
The darkness is back again today. I faintly feel like I might throw up. My mouth tastes like blood. My wrists hurt when I feel like this. Like they’ve had nails driven through them, even though I haven’t borne a cross. Everything I look at brings death....I look at the door and I imagine someone busting it open and opening fire with a gun. The computer...it blows up and shards from the monitor embed themselves all over my face, in my chest, in my arms. The pen ejects burning liquid right into my eyes and I convulse and die. I feel like I’ll never be clean again, like I’ll never care again. There’s nobody to go to. Nobody anywhere. Never has been. I don’t know what to do any more. I never know what to do when this happens, but it’s not that I don’t like it. I almost enjoy it more when the dark comes back. I know I’m alive, still. Because sometimes it’s very easy to forget that. That you’re alive, I mean. You do the same crap every day and it’s not like you ever wake up one day and it just starts meaning something – it never does. I’m tired, I’m uncomfortable, I have to go to the bathroom, but it’s like someone else is feeling all that. I feel like I’m on the brink of something huge but I don’t know what it is or what it could be. All I know is this darkness. I can feel it everywhere. It surrounds me and I drink it in because there is nothing else to do, nowhere else to go. Sometimes you just surrender yourself to the night and then even if you don’t feel better in the morning, you feel like you’ve accomplished something.
Timria curled her fingers under the handle of her leather attaché case. Her father had given it to her for Christmas last year. It wasn’t big enough to use for school, so she kept her journals and notebooks in it and took it with her everywhere. Timria didn’t have any close friends and thus was a private person. She wasn’t mean or smelly. She was just aloof. No one knew much about her except that she just lived alone with her father in a huge house.
As on every normal Saturday, Timria was walking the 10 ½ blocks from her house to the library. Different from every other Saturday, however, was the fact that Timria Cyrim was meeting someone at the library. She wasn’t meeting anyone mysterious or extraordinary. She was meeting Lanif Garrow, a member of her science class. Lanif was two grades older than Timria, but they were still close in age, as Timria was old for her grade and Lanif young for his. Lanif had just transferred from a district with different science requirements than Timria’s, which was why he was in her class despite their difference in grade.
Once inside the library, Timria walked up the staircase to the non-fiction and reference floor - her least favorite, and also the place she and Lanif had agreed to meet. She tapped index fingers on the handle of her case, moving from one table to the next with her eyes. A flailing hand caught her attention, and she saw him, twiddling his fingers and grinning at her. What a moron. She sidled her way between tables and sat down across from Lanif. Across was good. Better than beside. Better than close.
"Hello, Timria." He was smiling in the most annoying way....like he was pretending he enjoyed her company, mocking her.
"Hullo," she answered softly. He was studying her, she could feel it. His blue eyes scanning her green ones. Flustered, she swung her attaché case on the table and dug out a pen, her science notebook, and their requirement sheet.
“Well, let’s get started, shall we?” he asked. She took the cap off her pen and set to work.
About an hour and a half later, Timria was getting bored. She tapped her pen against her notebook, watching the people around them. Lanif glanced up.
“We can take a break, it’s been like, an hour since we’ve actually spoken to each other.” Timria agreed and closed her notes. An uncomfortable silence followed.
“So….what are you up to this weekend?” Lanif asked.
“Nothing,” she said, wishing there was something interesting to say.
“Nothing? You’re going to go home after this and look at the wall until school on Monday?”
“Basically.”
“Come on, you have to do something worth mentioning in the next two days!” She glared at him.
“Once I’m done with this, I’ll go home and read for a while. I’ll watch the news, and maybe something else afterward. Then I’ll go make myself a sandwich or whatever I can find in our cupboards or refrigerator. I’ll either read again or go online. Then I’ll write, and then I’ll go to bed. I’ll wake up and go to church and then go jogging. I’ll eat something for lunch. I’ll do homework if I have any left. I’ll read and use the computer and maybe go for a walk if I get sick of my house. I’ll sit around and wait for time to pass. And then I’ll go to bed. In the next two days, nothing worth mentioning will happen. But what about you?” She smiled at him, noticing his usually easy smile was absent. He was looking at her oddly. Not with pity, more like confusion.
“Don’t you have any friends, Timria?”
“No.”
“Why not? You’re not….” He paused, searching for the right phrase. She glared and snapped,
“I’m not a jerk? Whatever. I don’t know what the deal is, but I’ve never had any friends.”
“No, that’s not what I meant. I meant….” Timria looked at the table, wishing she hadn’t said anything. “You shouldn’t be alone. You’re a nice girl. You’re pretty, and you’re smart, and you don’t deserve to have no one.” Something he said burned on the inside, and Timria didn’t know which part it was.
“….What are you doing this weekend?” Lanif smiled at her question.
“Nothing worth mentioning.”
Timria smiled at this. Some girls would have taken great offense because he was teasing her in an area she was obviously sensitive in, but she knew that Lanif was only trying to show he had heard everything she’d said, yet it hadn’t changed anything. They both fell silent for a bit, but it wasn’t an awkward silence. It was nice. Lanif was watching two people argue in whispers at the table next to them, and Timria glanced at him. He was rather….nice-looking, now that she actually gave it thought. His eyes were piercing blue, and his hair was styled nicely. Cute hair, she added to herself.
Timria decided the time had come to end this study session.
“Well, I think we’ve got enough information to do ten projects, what about you?” she asked him. Lanif turned to face her.
“Yeah, I guess there’s enough there. Should we do the project now, and get it done with?” Timria had assumed they would do the project during class time they were getting on Monday, but she supposed it would be wiser to just get it out of the way.
“Alright, sure. We can go to my house if you want. My dad’s at work and there won’t be anyone to bother us.”
“Okay. You can’t drive yet, can you? I’ll take you for a ride, alright?” She smiled at his suggestion.
“Alright.”
“Not for a couple more blocks,” said Timria, looking out the window. She was making herself as small as she possibly could, pressing her back against the seat. Her arms were folded across her stomach. Lanif cleared his throat.
“You walked this whole way?” He felt awkward and loud.
“Yes, it’s not that bad. The walk takes up time, anyway. I come to the library every Saturday.”
“What time?” She blinked and turned to him.
“I usually leave around ten, I guess.” Lanif fell silent, and Timria was looking away again. Now the silence seemed uncomfortable. The traffic light turned red, and the car stopped moving. He turned to her and asked,
“Timria…aren’t you….lonely?” She flinched and slowly met his eyes. Her green eyes were like pits, and he was falling, falling, and he didn’t want to stop.
“Yes,” she breathed, and it was like someone breaking a spell. The light turned green, and she turned back to the window. “Turn left up here.”
Timria unlocked the front door and held it open for Lanif. Lanif stepped through the doorway and was surprised to see a man waiting to greet them. He was of average height and had dark brown hair and eyes. The man stepped forward with his hand outstretched to Lanif. Lanif froze for the smallest fraction of a second. Uneasiness he had no explanation for washed over him and his eyes flashed suspiciously at the man. He shook himself and stepped forward to shake the hand. All of this happened in less than a second, so no one really noticed Lanif's double take except Lanif. Or so he hoped.
The man, obviously Timria's father, smiled at Lanif and said "Hi, nice to meet you." Lanif gave a hello-yourself and made small talk. There was just something about the man...his smile wasn't real for one thing. It was kind of like the type businessmen and politicians wore, but the charm that usually accompanied it was absent. And his eyes...There were small smile lines at the corners, but there was definitely no smile in his eyes. Lanif felt like he was falling into them, but it wasn't at all like looking into Timria's eyes. They were like dark bottomless holes that he would never get out of no matter how hard he tried, no matter what he did...
"Lanif..." he blinked and realized Timria's father had been talking the whole time, and had just been interrupted by Timria. "...and I are going to my room to work on a science project."
"Alright, Timria. You kids be good now, I’m heading back to work." He winked, with the same characteristics as his smile. Lanif gave a weak smile and followed Timria.
He noticed how huge her house was, and also how nicely furnished the rooms were.
"I didn't think my dad was going to be home, I guess he decided to come back for dinner or something. Sorry." She stepped into her bedroom and Lanif followed, both setting their bags on the floor.
"Oh, I don't mind." They pulled their notebooks out of their backpacks. An uneasy silence passed. "So.....your dad makes a lot of money, eh?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"Well, that's good. You have a really nice house."
"Thanks." She was flipping through her notebook, looking for her project notes.
"Are you and your dad very close?" She winced, ever so slightly. He wouldn't have even noticed it if he hadn't been watching her closely.
"No, not really."