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What not to do
I was excessively lonely tonight. It sucked. I called Antoine at Creighton's, and he later told me I sounded like a puppy someone left in the rain. Buuuut, by using my phone and chatting online, I pulled through. Yay for technology, I guess. Also, my room got cleaner! It was a win.
Apparently, today was Sexist Day, and nobody told me. I got to open all the mail today at Bleak House (the book publishing company at which I intern), and several of our letters were addressed, "Dear Sir," or "Dear Sirs." When we reply to people's query letters, we always write right on top of the query letter. So, I took the opportunity to circle "Sir," and write, That's a little presumptuous, isn't it?
The real kicker was one person who submitted a story in which the protagonist was related to sports. The query letter said, and I shit you not, If there is a man on your staff he should read it first. There is a lot of swearing in it and this is the way coaches and players talk. Hey, buddy? It's the way I fucking talk. I couldn't believe the audacity of that person. Who does that?! Way to make a first impression. Ass.
So, here's my first tip on trying to get your stuff published:
Don't be sexist.
I guess I could go ahead and post the rest of my advice, after a summer of interning there:
Apparently, today was Sexist Day, and nobody told me. I got to open all the mail today at Bleak House (the book publishing company at which I intern), and several of our letters were addressed, "Dear Sir," or "Dear Sirs." When we reply to people's query letters, we always write right on top of the query letter. So, I took the opportunity to circle "Sir," and write, That's a little presumptuous, isn't it?
The real kicker was one person who submitted a story in which the protagonist was related to sports. The query letter said, and I shit you not, If there is a man on your staff he should read it first. There is a lot of swearing in it and this is the way coaches and players talk. Hey, buddy? It's the way I fucking talk. I couldn't believe the audacity of that person. Who does that?! Way to make a first impression. Ass.
So, here's my first tip on trying to get your stuff published:
Don't be sexist.
I guess I could go ahead and post the rest of my advice, after a summer of interning there:
- Follow directions. We ask for everyone to submit a 1-page query letter and a self-addressed stamped envelope. If you don't include the envelope, we won't reply, unless your submission is dripping with gold. Also, sending chapters/entire manuscripts we didn't ask for is usually a waste of time. Especially if you sign your submission as Satan (yes, that happened).
- Know who you're submitting to. If the publishing house specializes in mysteries and crime fiction, don't send your multi-volume epic on the life of a pirate, your religious propaganda on Susie Housewife, or your revision of the story of Beowulf. It's a waste of time for the publisher, and it's a waste of money for you in terms of postage, printing, and envelopes.
- Nobody cares what your major is or where you went to college. Personally, I don't care if your profession is relevant to the plot of your book, either. All we care about is how good your writing is. Trying to jack-up your query letter (which is supposed to be about your story) just makes you sound pompous.
- If there's going to be sex in your story, fine. Just make sure there's a point.